Life was so seemingly uncluttered when we were children. For many children, like myself, childhood was challenging to say the least. But, my needs were simple. In fact, my needs, wants and desires were all pretty basic: food, shelter, safety, toys. Because children are so wonderfully simple, they don’t have the baggage to weighs down their lives, baggage that in some ways requires others to carry with you. Now, I’m being very general when I’m talking about children, but I think you get the point.

When we were children, friendships also came pretty easily. If you’re able to have fun with a another, then awesome! What are the things you have in common? Do you love the same games, colors, toys, foods? Well, those are all deal makers. What I listed pretty much comprise the whole world of a child, and having that stuff in common almost guaranteed a solid place in my little world.

Then the teen years come along and mucks up that simplicity, but probably for the best I feel. When I hit my teen years, I began to realize my place in the world, and my responsibility towards the world also. And that includes how moving about humanity effects those around me. Friendships take on a heavier meaning. Without realizing it, baggage begins to set in, and our friendships require that we ask others to help with the load. Without actually stating it, what we require of others are their strong, metaphorical arms to help lift the burdens that the world has unloaded upon us. But this is something that we as people fail to comprehend: everyone has a limit. Full stop.

Friendships can be great teachers. We can learn so much about ourselves: our capabilities, our strengths, our weaknesses, and yes, our limits. Are we too demanding? Are we too passive? Do we run hot, then seriously cold? Are we wild cards? Are we too needy? We’ll learn if any of those things are true, and more, when we view ourselves through the lens of our friends. I’ve learned that the more self aware we are, the more we’re willing to listen to what our mates have to say. If they are people who are true and have good intentions, and have proven so, then maybe it’s worth it. What I’ve also noticed is when we’re not so self aware, we see the world through a very adversarial lens. I get it, life can make that happen: we get dumped on to such a degree that we test those around us. But if that’s the case, then true friendship is off the table. I think it is impossible because those tests are almost always impossible to pass. If all we get to see is your hard exoskeleton, and not the soft, squishy parts, then the odds are already against us.

I’m not a terribly religious person, but I do believe that the Bible has some great lessons to observe. Given its age, the Bible can have some pretty good insights into human nature. Which is kinda funny, because it proves in stark light that people truly are just people, but we like to think that’s not the case. There’s a great quote from Proverbs 27 5-6: “Open criticism is better than hidden love. You can trust what a friend says, even when it hurts.” The actual quote is as follows: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” I love this. If you’re able to endure the sting, then the other side will be that much sweeter. Without the hurt, then you’ll never know the healing.

With that I’ll leave you.

Thanks for stopping by, be well, walk in peace.

Jos

It’s been a long time since I’ve written here. I feel kinda bad about that, but I’m not going to beat myself over it, that really would be pointless. This blog is just as much for me as it is for the potential reader, which means I’m not taking the time for myself. It has dawned on me that taking this blog time for me is not only good for the ole’ noggin, but for my creative business as well. In other words, I should take it more seriously. However, there is something that I think will help: removing social media from my mobile phone.

If I haven’t said it before, I kinda hate social media. In truth, I think it’s made us lazy. We’ve forgotten that social media is simply a tool, but the tool has been using us. Many years ago, I has a conversation with my mom where we discussed the notion of the “overnight success.” We figured that it took about 20 years to become said “success”. One of my favorite TV shows as a kid was Mission Impossible. I clearly remember thinking how mature the actors looked then. Mission Impossible was a big show during its time, quite expensive I heard, and they got great actors for the roles. They probably looked mature because at that point they had been plugging away at the acting thing for many many years before landing a great gig. Social media, among other things, has distorted our sense of real time. Folks can become overnight successes, that’s true, but with all the issues that come with it. Namely, having to feed the beast that is the Fame Monster. If anyone can recall the sudden success of child actors throughout history will know that many of those kids face pretty terrible futures because they couldn’t handle the sudden deluge of fame that came too quickly, not to mention being locked into the idea of being a child and not being allowed to grow up and mature. Now, I don’t think it needs to take 20 years anymore, we’re no longer living the past, and social media can speed up the process. But again, we have to remember to use it, not the other way around.

It’s why I had to do something about this thing that wants my time and eyeballs. To be frank, I DO NOT want to spend more time on my phone, but in reality, way less. Social media, and I’m looking at you Instagram, became the equivalent of that chewy, tough, impossible to get through piece of gristle that looked manageable from the outside, but in reality made me give up and spit it out. I was neglecting my journaling, my blog, my hands and arms were going soft from lack of writing, as well as my lovely wrinkled brain, which was probably smoothing out like a damn grape. I was also tired of being used like some lab rat by the Social Media Overlords, all the while they’re generating tons of revenue monetizing our time, rage, and addictions. I felt like the mouse in the maze running after the cheddar, while the Overlords moved the position of the cheese when they saw fit. There is also something that occurred to me: having social media on our mobiles gives the false and dangerous message that we’re ALWAYS AVAILABLE, which is both impossible and damaging.

We’ve also come to believe that as artists we NEED social media. I only believe that to a degree. There do exist successful folks who don’t have social media accounts, but for many of us some help is needed. Since removing Instagram from my phone, I’ve felt relief actually. Now, if I want to access my account, I have to open my laptop, which by the way is not as “fun and accessible.” I’m treating it like a tool on the job. I don’t walk around with a hammer in my pocket all the time, no, I keep it in the toolbox. And therein lies the point: it’s my continuous journey towards a digital and analog balance. My journals were a way to unplug, and so here I am continuing the march.

I’m also trying to do my part: I’m trying to reach out more to REAL people, spending time viewing art in person, giving more thought to my future, and of course, giving my art and writing the time it deserves. When my hands are busy, my mind is free. But that statement only applies when I creating something, art, a meal, analog writing and correspondence, not doomscrolling. We’re losing the beauty of our humanity. We’re viewing the time it takes to slow down and gather our thoughts as something to be ashamed of, but giving too much time to indulge our lesser angels. Finding a balance is not easy, I know, but we’ve got to try. Like I said before, I write here for me as much as for the potential reader, without having to feel like I have to refresh the page to see how many likes it’s received.

I know I’m in the minority, but it kinda feels nice. And besides, it’s tiring trying to keep up with everyone else.

I think the ole’ noggin approves.

Thanks for stopping by, be well, and Happy New Year!

Jos