When working, I can’t help but think about much of what’s going on in our ongoing culture war, especially when I’ve just listened to a podcast or conversation. Work allows me to process, while listening helps my neck by forcing me to look up every once in a while to nod in agreement, or shake my head in aversion. What’s really caught my attention lately is this push to find a “high value” mate. The more I listen to various folks talk about it, the more I feel its having unintended consequences. With the use of statistics and numerical data, they have taken the act of looking for a partner from something that should be natural, intuitive, and even fun, and turned it into a thing that more closely resembles the commodification of human beings, even more than online dating. It seems to be an attempt to completely leap-frog over the messy parts to something more certain. If we change the oil in our cars, we can be fairly certain that this act will save us a major headache in the future by keeping our engines in good working condition. If I turn the burner on on my stove, I’m certain it will light. Relationships are not that certain. They’re not repetitive acts or tried and true experiments that we can perform over and over with just the right conditions. But the talk lately makes it seem that with just the right amount of numerical input: the right age, the right number of zeros in your bank account, the right amount of femininity or masculinity, the right amount of submission, that it’s a sure thing. I’ve heard over and over how it’s women that are likely to end a relationship, especially if she has a college degree. Also, if a woman hasn’t had a baby by 30, her chances go down significantly of her having one in the future. I don’t doubt that this data is correct, but I’ve also taken statistics while I was still in uni, and I know that when gathering these figures, context means a lot. I wonder what is happening to people that we feel that others are no more than stocks or goods to be assessed for their intrinsic value.
I also feel it’s incredibly immature. People are acting as if they’re still in school: do or say the right thing, get the grade. The “tradwife” is a term I hear again and again, short for traditional wife. It almost feels like a costume. While there is NOTHING wrong with wanting a more traditional relationship, it’s when I hear many of these women talk, I don’t get the impression that they take into account the subtle nuances that exist in life in general. They almost speak of a kind of glowing perfection. And it’s in this type of speech that they sound the most naive. Because it is in tough times, adversity, and uncertainty that we truly know who we are and what we are made of, in other words the messy parts. I’m also not mentioning the biggest factor in life that throws us all for a loop: that thing called chance or luck. I do wonder what will happen to many of these people, male and female, when the children will be born. What if that child is sick or has a disability, or even just trouble in school, what about crappy in-laws, a sick family member, you or your partner gets sick, a job loss, homelessness? Will you be able to weather those things? Because let’s face it, after you’ve ticked your boxes, got your data correct, assessed the person standing in front of you for their desirable worth, it doesn’t leave a lot left over to consider the MYRIAD of possibilities that could go wrong.
I think I’ve mentioned before, I’m an old school, analog type of lass, who’s experienced many of life’s curve balls. Mess will indeed happen, but I’ve learned to keep it simple. I found that when life has decided to vent its chaos, I look over my shoulder and I find that if my partner is there, by my side to help with the clean-up, that’s all the value assessment I really need.
Thanks again good folks for stopping by,
Jos