Giving Credit

I always believe that giving credit where credit is due is not only important, but can be cathartic. I’m no contact with my mom now for many many reasons, but when the occasion calls for it, I do give her credit for the lessons and traditions that I find myself holding onto and practicing to this day. Throughout all the abuse and heartache, there were moments of light and lucidity.

I consider myself to be a life-long learner, and she had quite the assemblage of reading material, I mean sincerely a large collection of books and magazines, plus albums! She was a strong reader, and inspirited the same in me. I didn’t grow up with her during my formative years, I grew up with her sister, my aunt. I also have a younger sister by three years. I left my aunt’s home in one truly memorable and horrific evening, quite another story, to go live with my mom. Needless to say, I didn’t have a great feeling of belonging, I was already about 12 years old, so mom and sis felt like distant relatives. Books became lovely and sacred “friends” in my young life. Even now, like I’ve mentioned before, books and journals are my beautiful companions. And mom at the time was really into natural health and herbal remedies, I think a carryover from the 70’s, and Back to Eden played a major role in that journey.

To my 12 year old mind, I truly could not believe what I was reading: how food plays the biggest role in your overall health, the role of herbs in recovering from illnesses, and how the author, Jethro Kloss, made such an impression on the lives he touched. What was also so incredible was how I understood what I was reading, it was not above my mental pay grade. I really got it.

Another way I give her credit is her insistence on charity. In my younger years I went to private school, my sis and myself, and during the school year there wasn’t a big need for large wardrobes, we mostly just wore our uniforms. If we didn’t wear something for about 6 months to a year, we should think about giving it away. To this day, I try to donate my time and my stuff. She instilled that in me, and I see no need to let it go. But, you’re probably wondering why would I go no contact with someone where there would still be good enough memories and customs that persist to the present, and even to pass on. Well, life is complicated. It’s not neat and tidy. We humans have a great way to take what we need, and discard the rest. When she got angry with me and snatched Back to Eden out of my hands hard enough to scratch the skin off my hands, I didn’t blame the book, that was on her. When she was advocating for us to be charitable but all the while she herself was severe, unkind, and leaving me many times to support myself with my meager minimum wage earnings while still in school, I saw no reason to stop being charitable, I saw no reason to stop giving. Why did I have to support myself? Because when I graduated from school in 8th grade to start high school, that was the end of private school for me, but not for my sis. I’m not complaining, but as the literal adult in the room, she should have known that was going to create a bad feeling in the home. It took a long time, but I realized that it was her, not me.

Her collection of books and vintage magazines, which honestly I wish I had my hands on today, solidified the love I have for reading, for art, for the accomplishment of self-teaching, the value of starting and finishing a project, for the feeling of being content with my own company, for research, the list can go on really. Yes, I’m no contact, but I’m choosing to be honest, not just with the bad parts, but with the good also, I need that balance, I think we all do for perspective.

So when I’m discussing my past, and I realize that I’m doing something that I learned from my aunt or mom that was positive and it made me a better person, I honestly give credit. It’s just unfortunate that the very bad grossly outweighed the good.

Thanks for stopping by,

Jos