Life was so seemingly uncluttered when we were children. For many children, like myself, childhood was challenging to say the least. But, my needs were simple. In fact, my needs, wants and desires were all pretty basic: food, shelter, safety, toys. Because children are so wonderfully simple, they don’t have the baggage to weighs down their lives, baggage that in some ways requires others to carry with you. Now, I’m being very general when I’m talking about children, but I think you get the point.
When we were children, friendships also came pretty easily. If you’re able to have fun with a another, then awesome! What are the things you have in common? Do you love the same games, colors, toys, foods? Well, those are all deal makers. What I listed pretty much comprise the whole world of a child, and having that stuff in common almost guaranteed a solid place in my little world.
Then the teen years come along and mucks up that simplicity, but probably for the best I feel. When I hit my teen years, I began to realize my place in the world, and my responsibility towards the world also. And that includes how moving about humanity effects those around me. Friendships take on a heavier meaning. Without realizing it, baggage begins to set in, and our friendships require that we ask others to help with the load. Without actually stating it, what we require of others are their strong, metaphorical arms to help lift the burdens that the world has unloaded upon us. But this is something that we as people fail to comprehend: everyone has a limit. Full stop.
Friendships can be great teachers. We can learn so much about ourselves: our capabilities, our strengths, our weaknesses, and yes, our limits. Are we too demanding? Are we too passive? Do we run hot, then seriously cold? Are we wild cards? Are we too needy? We’ll learn if any of those things are true, and more, when we view ourselves through the lens of our friends. I’ve learned that the more self aware we are, the more we’re willing to listen to what our mates have to say. If they are people who are true and have good intentions, and have proven so, then maybe it’s worth it. What I’ve also noticed is when we’re not so self aware, we see the world through a very adversarial lens. I get it, life can make that happen: we get dumped on to such a degree that we test those around us. But if that’s the case, then true friendship is off the table. I think it is impossible because those tests are almost always impossible to pass. If all we get to see is your hard exoskeleton, and not the soft, squishy parts, then the odds are already against us.
I’m not a terribly religious person, but I do believe that the Bible has some great lessons to observe. Given its age, the Bible can have some pretty good insights into human nature. Which is kinda funny, because it proves in stark light that people truly are just people, but we like to think that’s not the case. There’s a great quote from Proverbs 27 5-6: “Open criticism is better than hidden love. You can trust what a friend says, even when it hurts.” The actual quote is as follows: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” I love this. If you’re able to endure the sting, then the other side will be that much sweeter. Without the hurt, then you’ll never know the healing.
With that I’ll leave you.
Thanks for stopping by, be well, walk in peace.
Jos